Jumping off a bridge to coolness

Since every other geek driven website has this, I thought I would post it here as well. Behold the newest trailer for Spiderman 3. It definitely looks good. I have some concerns about a couple of things in it, but all in all a solid trailer.

Puffy Taco?

So I was a bit bored, and hungery. I'll be trying to hit this place some time this week. Lets see if I can complete this mission to the Puffy Taco

15693 Leffingwell Rd
Whittier, CA 90604
(562) 947-2250

One week...

...is all the cheese has left at miscellaneous advertising agency. With momma_cheese' impending return to her much higher paying job, the cheese is forced to stay at home with the princess.

The cheese isn't big on the whole "gender roles" thing; i.e. that certain things are intrinsically male or female. Honestly, anything that can be done by a man can probably be done by a woman, and vice versa.

But the thought of staying at home with the kid, while simultaneously a nice one for the extra princess time the cheese will get, also has quite a sting. Putting the whole financial burden for the family on momma_cheese' shoulders is not something the cheese is real hip to.

The job search has already begun. Hopefully the cheese can find something more lucrative than what he's currently doing, and hopefully he can find it quickly...

What the F@#%

Talk about engaging journalism...this story would make one sweet ass, and disturbing movie....hmmm, maybe the cheese should write it....

Thanks to Alan at the Poor Mojo Newswire for the tip. As always, well done PMJ, the cheese is humbled by your voracious web surfing....

It's gone south very quickly...

Well, game two has come and gone, and thanks to a few small, yet timely, mistakes by the Dodgers they find themselves down 2-0 in a best of five series. Suffice it to say, they have their backs against the wall.

There are a few reasons, though, to be hopeful. First and foremost, it isn't out of the realm of possibility that the Dodgers can win the next two at Chavez Ravine. The Dodgers had the second most home wins in the NL this year (49, just one behind, wouldn't you know it, the Mets). Also, Greg Maddux has been spectacular at home and he starts on Saturday. Secondly, coming back from a 2-0 deficit in the first round isn't that uncommon, just ask the numerous A's teams that have blown such a lead over the last decade. Lastly, the Dodgers have played much better when under pressure. After opening the second half 1-12 and seemingly at the brink of falling out of contention, they went on to win 19 of the next 21. Over the last two months of the season, when they could ill afford even three losses in a row, they had a MLB leading 41-19 record.

Nomar's hurt, the bullpen's in disarray (damn Joe Beimel!), and even fielding bunts seem to give the Dodgers trouble, but now is the time for the boys in blue to turn it up. Maybe it's just a die-hard fan's misplaced faith, but the cheese fully believes the Dodgers can pull this out...

Round One: Mets

Game 1 of the NLDS, bi-coastal edition, has come and gone and the boys in blue find themselves down a game. The Dodgers tallied more hits than the Mets (and more strikeouts), but not a whole lot of timely hitting. It was an odd game, though, with one play recording two outs at home, and Brad Penny coming in on relief and losing the game.

First off, let's look at that play in the 2nd. As far as the cheese can tell, and he had to watch the replay about 20 gagillion times because the Yankee-Tigers game was cancelled, there were four specific mistakes made:

1. Jeff Kent thought about tagging up. As soon as Martin hit that ball, it seemed apparent to the cheese that Shawn Green weren't catchin' it. Kent, for whatever reason, looked unsure and did not immediately leave second base, thus costing him a few seconds on his way to home.

2. Donnelly, the third base coach, either didn't see Drew right behind Kent, or didn't adequately signal the second runner. This seems to have led Drew to believe he should head home on the heels of Kent.

3. Drew had his head down while rounding third. Even if he did misread the sign as he rounded second, Drew could see how close he was to Kent, it might have occurred to him that maybe the go ahead sign was for the guy IN FRONT OF HIM, and maybe he should have looked up at the third base coach once he got there, but he didn't.

4. Kent attempted to slide into home. After rounding third Kent clearly looked up and saw Valentine fielding the cut-off and turning to throw home. It was evident he wouldn't beat the throw. Now Lo Duca's no pushover, but Kent's got like 5 inches and 50 pounds on him. One would think that Kent might try and take Lo Duca out, maybe knocking the ball loose in the process. Instead, he tries to finesse slide around the tag. What the fuck is that? He's not Juan Pierre for christ's sake, he's a 39 year old, slow, not very agile white guy. Run into the catcher already. Plus, if he had taken down Lo Duca, then very likely Drew would have scored anyway.


Now, about the whole "Brad Penny in relief thing." The cheese response to seeing Penny come out of the bullpen went something along the lines of "What the fuck is Grady Little thinking?" On the one hand, the cheese understands the rationale. Penny might not be able to pitch is a start situation, but he's possibly good for an inning or two so you throw him out there and hope he hits his spots. He does, after all, know what it takes to pitch, and win, in the playoffs. He was throwing hard, but got beat up a bit and took the loss.

Honestly, it was a pretty well played game. The Mets scored some runs on the longball, the Dodgers on the single and double. Tomorrow may go better, Kuo dominated this team just a few weeks back. And if the Dodgers can split the games in NY then the series is definitely still up for grabs.

IT'S PLAYOFF TIME!!!!!

Thanks to a strong 9-1 finish over the last ten games the Dodgers ended the regular season with a solid 88-74 record. This gave the a tie with the Padres for the second best NL record, but thanks to continual beat downs at the hands of the Padres, the Dodgers had to console themselves with a wild-card berth as opposed to the NL West title. And while it may seem like splitting hairs, it really isn't.

Instead of playing the near dead Cardinals at home, the Dodgers are forced to travel to NY to face the Mets and their 97 regular season wins. The Mets, though, have been going through a bit of a psychological struggle. The loss of Pedro has certainly got to sting, and their remaining starters (this includes you, Tom Glavine!) haven't looked real great recently. They do have a very good bullpen, but Wagner has a career 7+ ERA in the post-season...

On the Dodgers side, Derek Lowe lives his life to pitch high pressure games, and he's been nearly unhittable over the last month so the timing is right for him to dominate again this October. Greg Maddux may be 40, but he's been pretty damn consistent for the Dodgers since coming over, Grady Little just has to keep a tight reign on his pitch count. Hong-Chi Kuo hasn't had a lot of starts, but NY is susceptible to lefties, and so far Kuo's delivered. That leaves Brad Penny and his aching back. Penny's had a +6 ERA since starting the All-Star Game, but he also has a world series ring that he got by beating the Yankees twice in the span of a week and a half...

Offensively, the Mets would seem to have the upperhand, what with the all the homeruns they hit (and they play in a pitcher's park) and bases they steal. But the Dodgers lead the senior circuit in OBP and team batting average. Plus, Furcal, Lofton, Lugo and Repko give the Dodgers sufficient speed. So while the boys in blue put up runs by whittling you away, the Mets just slug teams into submission...

All in all, it seems a bit of a draw, though the records are different. The cheese predicts (fingers crossed) the Dodgers win in 5...

Something that has bothered the cheese all week...

Last weekend, momma_cheese was a bride's maid in a wedding. Naturally the entire cheese clan was in attendance. What made this particular wedding interesting, though, is the fact that the bride is a friend of momma_cheese' from high school, and as one might imagine, a number of people were in attendance that the cheese had not seen since the Centennial days.

One of these people, in fact, was a guy we will refer to as "unnamed male classmate." Well it so happens that unnamed male classmates still lives in Crown Town. He is, in fact, now an officer on Corona PD (sidenote: the groom is also a cop in Corona, though he attended high school in Riverside). So at one point the cheese finds himself in the restroom with unnamed male classmate, and is asked the question "What have you been up to."

"Graduate school, getting an MA in English and MFA in Creative Writing," responds the cheese.

"You gonna write for the Press-Enterprise or what?"

Let's stop here for just one moment and reflect on this question. First off, the Riverside Press-Enterprise is THE WORST metropolitan paper in all of California, and possibly the country. If the horizon of your imagination only goes so far as to equate the Press-Enterprise with an MFA in Creative Writing, then clearly you are a person to be ignored. Sadly, the cheese did not, at this point, turn his back on unnamed male classmate...

"Uh, no...We'd still be living in San Francisco, actually, if not for grad. school."

"San Francisco?"

"Yeah, we lived there for five years."

"Aren't there a lot of homo's there?"

At this point the cheese had to force down the impulse to ask unnamed male classmate if he were functionally retarded....or respond with "no, everything you've heard about the City is false, I never met one homo when I was there, but it's crawling with dykes"....or simply ripping out unnamed male classmate's eye. This came from a guy you still lives in, and works on the police force of, the city he was born and raised in. If this is what happens when someone stays close to their "roots" the cheese is forcing all of his kids to move at least 1000 miles away from home for college, or better yet, he'll ship them all overseas cause there aren't any "homo's" in Europe...

Is the cheese trying to get fired?

Possibly...the following is an e-mail that was sent out company wide by the new HR manager at the cheese' current place of employment (the typos have been left in intentionally):

From: Misc. HR Manager
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 2:47 PM
To: Misc. Employees
Subject: Miscellaneous Advertising Agency Newsletter Games

Hello everyone,

I am currently working on the Miscellaneous Advertising Agency newsletter and will be adding some fun games to be play in the newsletter. The October issues is going to have an Miscellaneous Advertising Agency game based on employees. I would appreciate your help in creating the game by answering the following questions and returning your answers to me by this Friday, September 29th.

Questions.

1. List one thing people don't know about you.

2. List one guilty pleasure (keep it clean) that you have.

3. What is your favorite office snack?

4. Where was your last vacation?

5. Please list the types of pets you have and their names.

6. What is the best OR worst Halloween costume you have ever worn?

7. List one thing that scares you.

8. What is your least favorite food?

9. What do you want for Christmas this year?

10. What is your favorite candy?

Thanks everyone.

Misc. Female Name
HR Manager
Miscellaneous Advertising Agency
xxx-xxx-xx77 x229 (office)
xxx-xxx-xx65 (fax)
MFemaleName@MiscellaneousAdvertisingAgency.net

And here follows the cheese's responses to said questions:

1. I am the semi-benevolent over-lord of a planet that resides in another plane of existence.

2. Allowing rebellions to go on long enough that those involved believe they have a real possibility of pulling me from my throne before I crush them under my mighty fist of oppression.

3. The souls of non-believers.

4. To ensure the continuance of my reign I have not the leisure of taking vacations.

5. Three-headed dog named Cerberus.

6. I do not participate in this “Holy Day” know as Halloween as it would sully my dignity and grandeur.

7. An armed and organized populous.

8. In order that my reign last forever I have forgone the ingestion of food and now subsist on hourly injections of a secret “elixir” that my royal alchemist devised.

9. Santa Claus is currently imprisoned in my dungeon and will grant me whatever I wish…or he’ll pay dearly!

10. Candy is simply an opiate of the masses that I use to control the minds of young children.

Disgusting, absolutely disgusting!

The cheese is going to, from this point forward, completely strip the use of the word LIKE from his vocabulary. While sitting in one of his GRADUATE level English classes yesterday evening he heard a fellow student use the word 32 times in 63 seconds. Clearly, the state of education in this country has sunk to some abyssal, hell-like level when such a thing can occur and said student is not verbally reduced to tears by the professor or the other students.

“You know” is also being retired…you know?

It's a good show, alright!

Let it not be said that the cheese is prejudiced against certain types, or genres if you will, of entertainment. Right now on his laptop are mp3's from The Roots, The Descendents, Nelly Furtado, The Chieftains, and about 130 more hours fairly eclectic listening fair (except for country...other than Johnny Cash and Merle Haggard the cheese can do without country).

That being said, the cheese will now admit that for the last three years he has faithfully watched Gilmore Girls. And at this point dear reader, you're asking yourself just how gay is the cheese? Well that's some attitude mister! First of all, let us blame momma_cheese for getting the Gilmore Girls to become a part of the cheese family's weekly watching habits. But, you know what, it's a pretty damn enjoyable show. The cheese is not in the least embarrassed to say that he was fairly anxious about the season premiere last night.

Look, the cheese doesn't feel the need to actually justify his viewing habits, however, let's take a look at some of the show's good points:

1. Hot chicks - the cheese has long said that attractive women should not be a reason to watch a show/movie because every single thing produced in Hollywood contains attractive women. However, Lauren Graham is one of the cutest damn women to ever walk god's green earth, and the character she plays only emphasizes said cuteness. Also, Alexis Bleidel has blossomed into a stunning young woman before the audience's eyes.

2. Writing - line for line, no show throws out more pop culture references in so short a time. The average script for an episode of Gilmore Girls must be at least twice as long as any other hour long drama because everyone talks so fast. You'd think it gets annoying, but once you've become acclimated to the Starshollow vernacular, it's like you've been accepted into an exclusive club.

3. Characters - sometimes, too many "quirky" characters can make a show just too damn stupid. Sometimes, however, for whatever reason, it just works. Gilmore Girls has such an odd collection of characters, but it works.

The cheese will gladly take credit...thank you very much!

Many times on this forum has the cheese extolled the virtues of one Veronica Mars (mmm...Kristin Bell), and he will continue to do so until he is planted firmly in the cold, cold ground...but it is good to see that others have followed suit.

And if memory serves (though, with the sleep deprivation and all, it may, in fact, not serve) the cheese believes he was the one to urge Mojo to join the Cult of Mars.

Don't Forget

Don't forget to go out and pick up your copy of "Straight Outta Lynwood" in stores now.

Yeah....Nay?

While the Official Seal Generator is, of course, a fairly interesting and fun way for one to waste some time at work, it has dawned on your benevolent overlord that there is a serious lack of cheese related images....

Operation "Insert Nose Into Blaylock's Ass" Has Commenced

Yesterday, whilst taking part in his weekly fiction writing workshop, the cheese had the sheer dumb fortune to make a comment that was simultaneously 1) in complete disagreement with the rest of the class and 2) in total agreement with Blaylock. Luckily, the cheese made this comment before Blaylock did, so it did not seem as if the cheese were merely "kissing up," if you will.

Next week, though, will be the real test as the cheese submitted the first pages of The Chronicles: The Sequel for next weeks workshop. Sadly, the cheese thought of some changes that are needed to said pages after he had already turned them in. Ah well, hopefully The Man does not rip on the cheese too much...

It's finally happened.

The cheese has started toiling away on The Chronicles: The Sequel. Just so there is no confusion, however, be advised that the new book is not a straight sequel to The Chronicles...though there may be a few cameos, if you will, by those gracing the pages of said book.

But wait a second, the cheese, aren't you still working on The Chronicles? the cheese hears you wonder. Well, yes good citizen, the cheese has yet to finish them. Though he slowly gets closer every now and then, the real issue is time. Apparently, even though he has tried mightily, the cheese cannot create more time. There is a finite amount of it available every week, and a lot of it is already used up.

So why start The Chronicles: The Sequel? Well, the cheese had little choice as the man/myth/legend Blaylock advised the cheese that A) the Chronicles were already too large to submit as a thesis project, and B) only submitting a portion of them wouldn't really help the cheese out much. So The Sequel has begun.

As an interesting sidenote this morning (oh, at 2 AM or so) momma_cheese came up with a damn good idea for The Chronicles: The Third Times a Charm...which the cheese family may begin collaborating on shortly...

white and nerdy video

This is probably one of the funniest videos Al has ever done. Man, I can't wait until next tuesday.

Not getting the point, or "RE: website inquiry"

"Thank you for sharing your passion and ideas regarding The Wheel of Time.

We are hard at work at bringing The Wheel of Time to the big screen as a feature film presentation. We are striving for a production that will bring to life a well-known and beloved epic, while at the same time, will also reach out to a global audience of new fans who have not yet have the opportunity to share in The Wheel of Time experience.

We appreciate hearing from you!

Sincerely,

Red Eagle Entertainment"



Maybe they'll get Jamie Foxx to play Rand, Halle Berry for Moiraine and Paris Hilton can play Elayne!!!!!!!

Something we are all, no doubt, worried about...

Because, apparently, he has nothing better to do at work...the cheese' alter-ego sent the following letter off this morning...links are included to help the reader:



"Dear Red Eagle Entertainment LLC,

Please, please, please, for the love of god, PLEASE do not attempt to turn the Wheel of Time series, or any of the books contained therein, into a motion picture.

No doubt you are working, at this very moment, on doing just that. Spurred on by the success of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, the Harry Potter series, and the first installment in the Chronicles of Narnia, you undoubtedly see the Wheel of Time as a veritable "cash cow" thanks to Hollywood's newfound love of all things "fantasy."

But this lone fan implores you to resist the temptation from that whore known as the film industry. For every recent successful fantasy franchise, Hollywood has produced 10 Dungeons and Dragons. The Wheel of Time is a universe loved by countless fans across the globe and deserves something better than a watered down story starring a Wayans brother.

Hollywood's poor track record with fantasy media notwithstanding, the sheer immensity of the Wheel of Time does not lend itself to the silver screen. At last count the series contained over 1800 named characters over the course of 11 main books and one prequel. When translating a piece of work into a new media there are unavoidable changes that must be made, but to take a story containing nearly 2000 different characters and then dilute it enough to make it digestible for the mass movie going audience would be nothing short of criminal.

If you are so unwavering in your desire to a see a live action version of Robert Jordan's masterpiece, then please consider the small screen. Likely television is not nearly as lucrative an endeavor as a feature length film, but a multi-year series would allow the story to be told in as faithful (to the original work) a way as possible.

Of course, I freely admit to knowing little to nothing about how one might produce a film or television series. Essentially, I'm talking out of "my ass," but my message comes with the utmost sincerity. Please take care of this universe that so many of us know and love.

james"

The national anthem of Cheeselandia

I would like to submit this song as the national anthem of the land of cheese. In order to hear the right song make sure you click on the "white nerdy weird al" song otherwise you'll end up hearing some gansta rap.