What is the most interesting topic in the news?

The cheese was listening to misc. morning radio show #1 this morning as they were talking about the new *ahem* child of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. This inevitably led to a discussion of the paparazzi/lack of privacy for celebrities. Now, obviously, the cheese don’t have photographers hanging out in his trash to get a blurry photo of Her Majesty once she comes along, so maybe he can’t speak on this topic with much credibility. But there is one thing he knows…the law of supply and demand is alive and well.

Now, the cheese isn’t talking about a, hey I’m naked and could use some clothes/homeslice’ll pay for those clothes type of supply and demand. This isn’t the purely commodified ideal that we in the west like to call ‘capitalism.’ Well, it is sorta, but in a much more subtle and ethereal way.

Let’s start with the supply part. The celebrities have something that they feel people should pay for, whether it be a movie, TV show, album, DVD, exercise tape, personalized sock line, or hi-priced colonic. The celebrities are dependant, like all merchants, on the people (the mass, ugly ocean of American culture) actually forking over the cash for that colonic with Jennifer Aniston’s face and seal of approval on it (as a side note, here’s the cheese’s favorite piece of Jennifer Aniston info). But, there’s a lot more going into the production of that straight to video DVD or personalized sock line than just the stars themselves. There’s directors, producers, crew, catering, assistants, darners, and quality control people. It’s a whole damn universe unto itself!

As a completely unrelated aside, the cheese is writing this while watching a film in class, and Candace Bergin was pretty damn hot when she was young.

Anyway, just like the stars themselves, these hardworkin’ SOB’s want to get paid too. They ain’t getting seven and eight figure checks, but they need to buy their cereal, yo. So, all these people, all this effort goes into making a DVD. And, there won’t be any MORE DVD’s unless some of those in the “unwashed masses” go out and by this one.

Now we’re getting into the demand side of things. See, there’s a whole lot of supply, but maybe not so much demand. Well, how in the hell do you get someone to buy a home enema of questionable quality that nobody wants? Stick Tom Cruise’s stupid smiling face on the cover (and, you know, you could simply substitute the enema with any shit Tom Cruise movie you want). Now here’s where it starts to get ‘crazy’ (though not “gay man jumping on a couch professing love for some woman that he ‘interviewed’ to be his girlfriend” crazy). See, no one really cares about Tom Cruise. Not really. But people do care about TOM CRUISE, the idea of the motherfucker. You know, the idea that this guy, because of talent, hard work, or whatever, gets to live a life that the rest of us in the ugly ocean can only dream about. We want to be him, or live vicariously through him. And how do we get to live vicariously through his dumb ass, through shit like this.

And that’s where the demand (and money for the entire entertainment apparatus) is generated folks.

Say what you will; celebrities have no privacy, paparazzi have no morals, blah, blah, blah. But if the paparazzi completely went away tomorrow, then a whole lot less people would see That Movie with Jennifer Aniston/Clive Owen Part II (and not that many people saw the first one). The paparazzi do more to create demand for what the celebrities supply than anything else. And yeah, their methods may not be the most admirable. The cheese would probably get right annoyed if homeboys with cameras were always frontin’ up in his grill. But, then again, to garner that much attention the cheese’s bank account would be much fatter than it is now. Money might not buy you love, but the cheese is willing to bet it helps you rent happiness and tranquility.

The fact of the matter is, everyone has problems. For some, it’s finding good childcare or paying the credit card bills, for others it’s what to wear to the premiere or trying not to get photographed while buying lettuce at Albertson’s. And that, to the cheese, is what’s most annoying about celebrities whining about the paparazzi. You knew the rewards and difficulties when you got into the gig, and now that you’ve made it you want to change the rules because NOW you think it’s unfair. Well, guess what ass, life’s unfair to everyone. But most of us don’t have millions of dollars, villas on lakes in Italy, or a line of ass deodorants bearing our names and likenesses.

P.S. In the interest of full disclosure, the cheese thought he should mention that, though this post is going up today, Thursday, it was actually written last night.